Over the last few weeks, my kids have started claiming “I can’t” as an reason for not doing something they don’t want to do. They know that an outright refusal won’t go over well, so they give the ever-lame excuse “I can’t.”
I called them out on their laziness and told them they can do it, they just don’t want to do it, which is different. They persisted, “No, we want to. We just can’t.”
Having had this conversation with them several times recently I tried something different.
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” I told them.
Their ears perked up. They were eager to know what the new idiom meant. I explained that if you want something bad enough, you will find a way to make it happen. That quieted them.
Debt
While they thought about that, I thought about how it applies in my life. When do I want things badly enough to make them happen, and when do I give the excuse that “I can’t?”
I find that the list of things I can’t do gets shorter when I’m determined to make something happen. In repaying our debt, I realize I can do some things that once seemed extreme. I not only can , but I want to, because I want to reach our goal badly enough that I find a way to make it happen.
Can’t or Won’t
When we first moved into the basement, we thought we couldn’t possibly stay here long-term (more than a month or two). We were eager to get a place of our own. However, when we set our goal of paying off our student loans, our priorities changed. We were willing to do things that we previously thought we couldn’t do. Our living situation has been the single biggest contributor to our debt repayment success thus far. If we weren’t living in my in-laws’ basement rent-free we would barely be making ends meet and would not be making progress on our debt repayment.
Without a will, there would be no way.
I know we’re not alone. Anyone who sets out to achieve a goal makes sacrifices. If you want something bad enough, you will find a way to make it happen. Where there’s a will, there’s a way!
How About You?
- Tell us about a time in your life when you’ve wanted something badly enough that you found a way to make it happen. Stories of determination are motivating.
- What have you found yourself willing to do to reach your goal, that otherwise you wouldn’t do?
Yes, ‘I can’t’ is always good excuse and scary part is: once we say it, we tend to believe that is true. I’m really happy with your article today. Just recently I came across other book about focusing once a week on one single matter important for yourself to helping out your decision what is truly standing on your way to overcome it and be happy in your life. Now I’m not fan of self motivation books but like you mentioned making lists of ‘I can’t’ and getting honest to yourself is an excellent way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Please forgive my English, I’m in a middle of self learning course.
It’s hard sometimes to remind yourself that your “I can’ts” are actually “I won’ts”. I go through some denial sometimes with respect to this. For instance, what I’d really love to do is take an extended leave of absence from my job and just travel the world for a few months. I’ve recently realized that it’s just not realistic with the lifestyle that I have. I keep saying “I can’t” downgrade my phone to be just a phone instead of with a data plan, but I have to look at how badly I want to travel. That $30/month I’d save would go quite a long way.
Sometimes our knee-jerk response is “I can’t” but when we re-examine, we find sacrifices we are willing to make.
Some “downgrades” in lifestyle or even just extremely frugal ideas used to seem outlandish to me, but now they don’t seem that far out there for me. It would be hard to jump into a frugal lifestyle “cold turkey,” but gradually the things I think I can’t do (or can’t live without) turn into things I am willing to do.