For most people, finances are personal. Asking about salaries, debt and retirement savings is generally considered taboo. Deciding when to have kids (and when to stop) is even more personal than finances.
Of course, as with anything else personal, you can share as much or as little as you want. You don’t need to answer to anyone or feel the need to justify your decisions.
So should you wait to have children (or more children) until you are debt-free?
We’re not. Actually, we’re expecting to welcome one more to our family in April 2015.
That said, while I could try to describe the joys of children, argue that kids don’t cost as much as you think, surprise you with the ways kids save you money, remind you that there never will be an ideal time to have a baby, or tell you you aren’t getting any younger, I’m not here to convince you that our decision is right for you. Your own priorities will let you know what to do.
Priorities guide our choices.
Our priorities are powerful. We make decisions based on our priorities, whether we realize it or not. We make time for what matters. We spend our money on what is important to us.
Priorities are evident not in the goals we set, but in the goals we actually work toward and achieve. It’s what we do, not what we say that matters.
While every personal finance guru has rules and formulas guaranteed to fix your financial woes and prepare your financial future, their advice is general, not personal. Rules and formulas don’t take personal priorities into consideration. Making decisions based on someone else’s priorities just doesn’t work.
Getting out of debt is a priority, but there are others.
In the past two years we’ve paid off over $50,000 in debt, which is more than we make in a year. We’ve changed our lifestyle and made sacrifices to work toward our goal. It’s safe to say that getting out of debt is a top financial priority for us.
However, even with paying off debt as our highest financial priority (well, besides tithing), we still have other priorities that are higher. Having and raising a family, is more important to us than getting out of debt. This stems from our belief that family is central to God’s plan.
While we try to be prudent and responsible with our finances, we do not base our decision to have kids on our finances.
Should you pay off debt before having children?
Let’s look back at the original question: Should you pay off debt before having children?
My answer: It’s totally up to you! It’s personal– between you, your spouse, and God.
It’s not a decision for your financial planner, your ecclesiastical leader, or your book group. The personal nature of family planning does not lessen when finances aren’t ideal.
Take a look at your priorities, align them with your spouse’s (unity in priorities really makes a happy marriage), then pray about it.
Priorities determine our decisions. We all have different priorities, so our decisions will be different. And that’s just fine.
For us, having a family is a higher priority than getting out of debt. At the same time, having kids and getting out of debt aren’t mutually exclusive by any means. In fact, I think having kids can actually help your debt repayment, but that’s a topic for another day.
Linked to One Project at a Time, Thrifty Thursday
Thanks for posting this blog. My husband and I are 27 and have been talking about have kids lately. I struggle with the decision on when to get pregnant. My husband is ready. We are just about to finish paying our credit card debt off after living with my in laws for over a year now. We used all our saving to pay off our debt. We both went to culinary school and have a lot to pay back. I am also worried to be pregnant and living with my in laws. My husband and I want to move states but are starting from scratch with saving. But life is to short. I pray I will find the answer sooner rather than later.
Praying you find your answer too Heather! 🙂
This is a tough topic I battle daily. We have decided to wait for a family until our 250000 of student loan debt is gone. Three years into our plan and we are down to 140000. It’s a monster but as we get further and further into paying it down my desire for kids becomes stronger. I can’t decide if it’s something I truly want or if it is because “everyone else is doing it”. My husband is more level headed in this topic but emotions are getting in my way
I was just talking to my friend about this topic. It’s crazy how it is such a personal and individualized decision yet so many people insist they know the best way to do it. I think you nailed it with, “Priorities determine our decisions. We all have different priorities, so our decisions will be different. And that’s just fine.”
It really is so personal. We can only decide what’s right for ourselves. 🙂
I am one that would say be debt free,have a secure job with excellent benefits,buy a home that fits your financial lifestyle and always be able to pay your bills on time. My perspective is very different b/c I had all of the above 10 years ago when I adopted my first DD from China. I had saved over $30,000 for her adoption and redid my home for another $20,000 in about 3 years. I then had another $10,000 in liquid funds to stay home with her for 10 weeks. I am a nurse so I spent my single years working tons of overtime to be able to do all of the above. If I would have had debt I would not have adopted. My 2nd DD came home from China in 2008 and I also paid cash for her adoption on far less than I was making in 2003. So it all is a priority depending on how you look at it. I am a single mom by choice and want no pity. My children are not home schooled and go to a public school and have to interact with everyone even bullies,but thus far they have turned out amazing. I do not have time to grow my own food,but I do have plenty of money to go buy groceries every week. To this day I remain debt free only working part time still as a nurse. I have chosen to work PT so I can be home to raise my girls for this season is short in our lives. So yes you should be able to afford to have children and give them every opportunity to grow and learn and to go out into the world and conquer it day by day. I am sure your kids do not care where you are living now,but soon as they get older they are going to question why they are living in a 1 bdr basement home. It also is interesting that your husband is not making more money when he would be able to. I make slightly more than what your husband makes working 24hrs a week. But I applaud you for making your life known on your blog.
Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective Laurie. I’m glad things have worked out so well for you! That is great that you can provide for your family only working part-time! My kids go to public school too and I think the interaction can be really be great. My husband and I both went to public school and feel like we turned out pretty good too. 🙂
You’re right– our kids don’t really care where we live. In fact, they really love it right now. Hopefully we’ll be in our own place before they start thinking it’s weird to live in Grammy’s basement.
And just for the record, we have two bedrooms (one for the parents and one for the kids). If we all slept in the same room I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be expecting another. 🙂
I love your perspective on this! Especially with something as important as children! I’ve seen friends wait and wait for the perfect situation to bring a child into and then discover that they’ve waited too long and have trouble getting pregnant. Family was 100% a priority for us. The debt will get paid off no matter what, but I won’t sacrifice what’s most important to me in order to make that happen. Plus, with breastfeeding and cloth diapering it’s easier to control the cost…. until they’re teenagers at least:)
We’re still years away from having teenagers, but so far, kids really have not been very expensive. The way the years speed by, though, they’ll be teenagers in no time!
If everyone waited for the perfect time to have children then very few people would ever have any! Its a personal decision, Congratulations!
I agree– there isn’t ever a “perfect” time to have kids (or even just to be pregnant)! 🙂
Congratulations on your newest addition! We didn’t wait until our debt was paid off to start our family – age was a factor for us – and we still managed to pay off my student loans in 8.5 years instead of 30! In fact, I think my desire to be a good financial role model for my daughter and to be able to focus on her education rather than my own was what spurred me to conquer my debt.
That’s great Stacey! I think having kids really does give you some serious motivation. Congrats on getting your student loans paid off early!!
I remember saying once (before kids) that we weren’t ready and the person said I don’t think you’re ever really ready for kids. It’s true. Sure, you need to be able to support them and care for them, but you probably won’t ever have all your ducks in a row. It really does come down to your personal priorities though. We waited until we had our own house (we were renting at the time). However, looking back, it seems kinda silly.
Congrats on your upcoming additon! I wondered when you mentioned about being sick for a couple months. 😉
Thanks Mona! I wondered how many people would read between the lines and know. It’s kind of hard to hide (even as a blogger) when you are sick for months at a time.
You’re right– it really is impossible to completely prepare and be totally “ready.” Even when you feel like you’re ready, reality has a way of surprising you. 🙂
Congratulations! I have been waiting for you to announce this since you kept posting those little hints. Children are always a blessing. I’m happy for your family and inspired by your faith to welcome children in this debt repayment season of your life.
Thanks Pamela. I’m glad you clued into my little hints. I had other readers guess it too. Especially after the post about this year’s garden.
Congratulations on your new addition to your family! Best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy. 🙂
As a “young” (LOL) 30-something who does not have kids; I wish the question of “when are you going to have kids?” was as taboo as the topic of money. For us our decision to wait wasn’t based on our debt, it was based on the decision of not being ready to start a family. We wanted to travel and see the world before having children. Starting a family and becoming 100% debt free will most likely happen within the same time frame, but we didn’t necessarily plan it this way.
I agree 100% with Nicole. As a late twenty something, I wish questions like, “Why don’t you have kids?” “When are you planning to have kids?” and “Don’t/Won’t/Aren’t you worried that you will regret not having kids?” were also taboo.
I also believe, at a minimum, having children requires two people who are equally committed to raising them and ensuring they become productive members of thier community (whatever that looks like). I feel like if a lof of people who didn’t want kids, didn’t have them instead of allowing themselves to be pressured into what they “should” do, there would be a lot less neglected, mistreated, and abandoned children.
I think having children is an intesely personal decision and not one anyone can make for anyone else. I think that any prescribed guidelines for when you “should” have them would ultimately fall along socioeconomic lines and only the wealthy or priviliged would have kids.
*steps off soapbox* Congratulations Stephanie on your growing family. You and your husband seem like very genuine people, committed to their kids, and I feel like you’re kids are the kind I wouldn’t mind sitting next to me on an airplane or in a restaurant.
I totally agree Candice. Having kids is such a personal choice. No one should ever feel peer-pressured (or family-pressured) into having kids. It’s hands-down the hardest thing we’ve ever done, so I can’t imagine doing it without having our hearts totally in it.
And thanks for the kind words. I think my kids will make pleasant airplane seat companions too. 🙂
I totally agree Nichole! People should not be nosy and bug you about when you’re going to have kids. This is especially hard when the couple is privately going through infertility troubles and everyone and their dog keeps asking why they don’t have kids yet.
Being a parent is an enormous responsibility and once you start there’s no turning back, so it’s definitely worth some serious thought and prayer before jumping on the bandwagon. 🙂
Yay! Congratulations again, friend. I love this perspective 🙂
Thanks Sarah! I hope my delivery story isn’t quite as exciting as yours! 🙂
Now that we have a house and are out of debt with no kids under 3, we look back and think “why did we decide to have 3 kids so close together while going back to grad school, living in 1 bedroom apartments, etc?” It would have been so much easier had we waited until we had a bigger place and the debt was gone. And you nailed it Stephanie, it was our priority. We had some hard times but also some huge growth experiences.
Hindsight is 20/20, but those character-building growth experiences can’t be replicated any other way! 🙂
Congrats Stephanie : ) I really enjoyed this post. This is a subject that hubby and I have discussed 1,000 times. We really, really would like to be done paying off student loans before starting a family. However, I don’t know if this feels right. I guess our dream was to start a family with a “clean slate” so that we would be under less financial pressure.
Thanks Liz! It’s a big decision, but you’ll figure out what’s right for you. 🙂
Yes, you should pay off debt first before kids if your parents are supporting you! You have free housing and utilities. You have an obligation to let your parents off the hook for this as soon as possible!
I might feel like this if I felt like we were a burden. My in-laws have made it abundantly clear that they like us living here. In addition, I know that they have the same belief that having a family is top priority.
Congratulations on your growing family!
I think you really nailed it that having children is a choice each family will make for themselves based on their own situation and beliefs.
Thanks Emily!
We had two children while my husband was earning his PhD. Common sense should have told us to wait until he was finished with school and had a secure job. Sadly my husband died soon after the birth of her second child. I cannot imagine what my life would be like without my children. I am so glad we decided not to wait before starting a family.
Oh Lizzy I’m so sorry! That would be so hard to go through. I’m glad you had your two kids before you lost your husband too. I bet you can see him in them.
Congratulations! If you had asked me this question 10 years ago – I would’ve had a completely different answer. But, now I think that having children is one of the best things about my life. We did wait until we were debt-free to have kids, but it didn’t have to do with the debt, more with our maturity and evolving into less-selfish beings 🙂 I think it is more important to wait for children until you are responsible and able to fully commit to being the best parents, rather than how much debt you have. But – like you said, it is a really personal decision!
Good point! Being “ready” to be parents is more about you than your finances.
Ha. Most people I know that have children have them for selfish reasons. I applaud the person adopting; that’s closer to selfless parenting.
Congratulations on the expected new addition! I agree this is a personal topic, I think it would only make sense to wait for completely debt free if it will only take you a short amount of time to pay of your debt like a year or less. But law school debt is one of those special large beasts that will likely take years and the end of law school often hits in the mid twenties to early 30s range where it really isn’t practical to wait too much. Luckily our future children will be adopted so we’re a little more flexible in terms of biology 😉
Thanks Judi! You’re right that the timing of grad school (and the debt that comes with it) often comes at prime time for having kids. 🙂