What do you think when you hear someone say “I can’t afford that?”
Do you admire them for their self-control or wish you could be as budget-conscious as them? Careful, now. Those words can actually be symptoms of some serious problems in their relationship with money.
It may sound counterintuitive, but if you really want to reach your financial goals, stop saying that you “can’t afford” things. Eliminating that phrase will change the way you view money and help you reach your financial goals.
Let’s talk about why you need to stop saying “can’t afford” if you want to be successful with money and what you should say instead!
Nix the negativity
For starters, let’s nix the negativity.
I don’t think there’s any dispute that “can’t afford” is full of negativity. Saying or hearing that you can’t afford things can be a real downer whether you’re a child or a retiree. No one feels motivated or hopeful about not being able to afford something.
Having your children hear you say that you can’t afford things creates a negative mindset about money that may stay with them their whole life.
Creating a negative, scarcity mindset around money will not lead you to financial success. In fact, it will keep you stuck. It reinforces an unspoken idea that somehow, because you’re not spending money in a certain way right now, you’re failing at finances. “I can’t … ” is a lot like “I’m not good enough to …” or “I’ll never be able to …” and giving yourself those messages will just keep pushing you down.
Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have, start by practicing gratitude for what you do have. You may not have everything you want or need, but you have a lot to be thankful for.
Feeling and expressing gratitude will lead you to feel more positive and hopeful about your finances. Avoiding inherently negative phrases like “can’t afford” will help you to feel more positive and motivated to improve your money situation.
But that’s only the beginning.
Take responsibility
The biggest problem with saying you “can’t afford” things is that it takes you out of the financial driver’s seat. You aren’t taking an active role. You are being “acted upon” by an external limiting force. Instead of actively choosing what to do with your money, your money dictates what you can do. It controls you instead of the other way around. You become the victim.
Stop focusing on what you don’t have and start taking responsibility over what you do have.
The truth is that most of us do not have bottomless pockets with limitless streams of money flowing into them. We don’t have the resources to buy everything in the world, but we still get to choose what we will spend our money on. We spend money on our priorities.
There is no shame in choosing not spending money on something that’s not your priority. That’s a fantastic choice! But you have to own it.
At times your priority may be just keeping a roof over your head and food on the table. That’s fine. In other seasons of life, the basics may come effortlessly and you can prioritize pursuing hobbies or taking trip.
The important part is taking responsibility rather than becoming a victim. Owning your decision on how to spend your money gives you power!
Let’s talk about what you can say instead. I think you’ll see how this simple change can transform your financial outlook.
What to say instead of “I can’t afford”
Words matter. The way we communicate matters. Start by simply choosing instead of making yourself a victim of your finances. Emphasize that this is your choice.
Here are a few examples that you can adapt to your liking.
“I don’t want to spend money on ___ right now.”
“I’m planning to spend my money on other things this month.”
“We have other financial priorities right now.”
“Let’s budget for that next month.”
You can also list an alternative if you want. This is especially helpful when you’re talking to your spouse or kids who are naturally invested in the long game of your family’s finances.
“Going to a movie would be fun, but I would rather put more money toward our vacation fund.”
“I bet it would be great, but we’re really working on building up our down payment right now. We can’t wait to buy our first home!”
“I’m working really hard to pay off debt right now, so I’m choosing not to spend money on clothes.”
The difference might seem subtle, but the mental shift is impactful. There is power behind taking ownership of your finances. Instead of making yourself feel like a victim, you are making choices that will lead to a better future.
It’s not an accident that many of those examples include the words “right now” in them. That’s a reminder that your financial situation and priorities are subject to change. Now isn’t forever. Budgets are meant to be flexible, and your language can reflect that.
Unsolicited financial advice will decrease
In addition to helping you take a positive, active role in managing your money, not saying “I can’t afford” has some additional benefits. If you feel like people are often criticizing your spending or giving unsolicited financial advice, you might want to take a look at how you talk about money. It you often use the phrase “can’t afford” then you are opening yourself up for judgment and unsolicited finance advice.
In a perfect world, what anyone else thinks or says about you and your finances wouldn’t matter. It’s none of their business! But in reality, we can be affected by what others say. Most of us don’t want other people telling us what to do with our money.
When I hear people I know complain about their finances, the problem-solver in me wants to find a solution. That’s just how my mind works.
If a friend complains “We just can’t afford ____,” then my mind will make a quick analysis of what I know of their spending to try to find a way for them to make room in their budget.
Don’t worry, I usually don’t share my unsolicited advice about finances with most people, but if you are constantly talking about not being able to afford things, then my mind will automatically analyze your spending habits to figure out how you could allocate your money differently.
On the other hand, when I hear that you have priorities and are making choices, I am confident that you will be financially successful and will reach your goals! Unless you have unlimited money, priorities and choices are the only way to reach those goals.
The solution to having others meddle in our finances (either mentally or vocally) is taking control of our own finances by changing how we talk about money. Stop saying “I can’t afford” and start positively and actively making financial choices. Your words matter.
Set a goal
If you’ve heard and used “can’t afford” your whole life, it may take some practice to change your thoughts, speech, and mindset. Don’t let that hold you back. You can do it!
Think about your priorities. What are you choosing to spend money on? Why is that more important to you now than the things you choose not to spend on? Then stop speaking passively about it.
You are an active participant in your finances! Talk like one! Take responsibility through your words and it will carry over into your actions. Changing your words can change your financial future.
Do you have a financial goal you are working on? Setting a goal that you’re excited about can be great motivation to make changes.
You’ve got this!
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